A Sense of Belonging by Dr. Ho Lan Liang

Dr. Liang’s book made me feel like an older sibling sitting across the room, we were just watching the telly and having a nice chat over a cup of tea and some snacks. Whether it is because we are both Chinese (she is Taiwanese and I am Hong Kongnese) or if it is because we both work closely with children, young people and families, it was definitely nice to be reminded you are not alone in this world.

I had put down the following quote,

“..., the stereotypical British ‘stiff upper lips’ has led to generations of damage from repressed and unprocessed emotions, seeping down through parenting to stunt the emotional growth of the next generation.”

Not to criticise British culture, but it made me start reflecting. Despite the difference in cultures, the repression of emotions in parenting style seemed to be a relatively common theme. The typical coping mechanism of denial, avoidant and resistance towards hardship in lives, also categorised expressing emotions and sharing feelings as some kind of weakness. Tolerance is highly praised and therefore people lose the sense of maintaining boundaries as well as connection with others (because we connect through experience, feelings are one type of experiences).

I sometimes remind my clients, that there’s nothing wrong with what they are feeling, if they share their feelings (even without details of the cause), they might find themselves connecting to their significant others at a different level (it also depends on if the significant others are willing to connect).